Self-inquiry and surrender seem incompatible with other tasks -- how can you concentrate on two things at once? In fact, however, you do not even concentrate on one thing... that is all part of the egoic illusion, which believes itself to be separate and independent. Self-inquiry and surrender appear to be effortful activities, but in fact simply describe the fact of the Self in its eternal status as subject, as turning away from objects.
Clarifying self-inquiry: what does 'who am I' really mean?
The fundamental question behind nonduality and self-inquiry is "Who am I?" Many people get confused by this question, interpreting it in philosophical or psychological terms, or asking it as a kind of koan or mantra. It is not meant to be any of these. Who am I refers to a single specific activity: the activity of trying to hone in on or locate a facet of our own moment-to-moment experience, that part of it which knows "I witness this experience and am not it." As soon as we try to locate this, we find we engage in a chase, because that aspect becomes elusive. Staying on the chase is how we try to answer the question. The I we think we are, the witnessing I, turns out to be a kind of illusion, which reveals the deeper and truer I, the true Self.
NothingCon 2020 interview with Akilesh
My friend Bill interviews me in late September 2020 for NothingCon, an online nonduality conference. Topics cover a wide array of spiritual topics.
Surrender and inquiry are like trying to go to sleep
A useful analogy for a seeker engaged in surrender or self-inquiry is to think about what it's like to go to sleep. To fall asleep, you must relax, close your eyes, and fall away from everything in the waking world. You must let go without expectation. Asking "Am I asleep?", trying to notice the falling-asleep process, or trying to recreate the sleep you had a few weeks ago will all interfere with falling asleep. And the waking one will never know what it is like to be asleep. The seeker must have the same attitude.
Self-inquiry & surrender workshop at Conscious Contact
On Wednesday, March 31, I spoke online at Conscious Contact, a discussion group dedicated to the teachings of Sri Ramana Maharshi. I covered the basics of self-inquiry and surrender, and answered some questions.
Why self-inquiry is like searching for silence or space
Self-inquiry involves looking into the I, and noticing that it is not what it seems. It seems to be a kind of fixed point, a particular experiencing, doing person who experiences everything that's "out there." But when the I is deeply examined the mind is led to silence or peace. But this silence or peace is, so long as it is noticed as such, is not the final answer. It is a reflection of the final answer. If you were searching for the real definition of silence, a mere pause between words would not be enough -- a deeper silence exists, one which permits both words and the pauses between them to be heard and noticed. If you searching for the definition of space, a place without anything in it would not be that -- it would only be a reflection of it. Space exists even when objects are there. That's because space, like the I, and like silence, are not really objects in themselves.
Karma yoga: the kinder, softer preparation for self-inquiry and surrender
Self-inquiry and surrender are the most powerful methods for penetrating the egoic illusion, but for that very reason they require a great deal of commitment. Because they attack thought and your notion of doership and control at every moment, they can rouse a lot of fear and anxiety, and require a great deal of commitment. If they seem simply far too difficult, there is a preparatory step that is easier: karma yoga. Karma yoga does not require you to give up your illusions of control. It says, "Go ahead and do what you need to do. Only keep the attitude that no matter what happens, good or bad, you are not going to be emotionally affected." Over time, karma yoga will quiet the mind and loosen the attachments and prepare the seeker for inquiry and surrender.
Understand your lack of free will and be free
The fact that we lack free will might seem depressing, but this is only so if we understand ourselves to be people who are chained or controlled by something else. In fact, our lack of free will refers to the fact that we are not people at all. Understood correctly, this lack of free will leads immediately to silence and peace.
Enlightenment is an infinite series of insights that there is no enlightenment
Enlightenment is a contradictory idea because it stands on the border of thought and non-thought. It is the exit from thought, but in that exit from thought there is the recognition that the very idea of 'exit' was itself a thought, and thus that there was never any exit, because there was never any entrance. The insight destroys itself. And yet enlightenment can also be viewed usefully as a series of these very recognitions. The mental habits that chain one in thought, to the belief that one is a doing, experiencing, decision-making person... one attempts to light these on fire through self-inquiry and surrender. When in fact the habits are 'dry enough' -- meaning weak enough -- to 'catch fire' once and for all, they result in enlightenments so continuous they cannot be called enlightenments at all.
Self-inquiry should feel like looking for something right here and yet is maddeningly elusive
People confuse self-inquiry with trying to *understand* what the I is intellectually, or to seek the nondual Self. This is incorrect. Self-inquiry is simply looking for that most common, fundamental data point of our experience -- the fact that our experience occurs *to us.* That sense of our own existence and awareness -- which is so obvious, so concrete-seeming -- we try to turn our attention to that. When we do, we find ourselves landing on thoughts, feelings, perceptions -- anything but that. And we refocus. And it happens again. And that continuous practice is self-inquiry. How can something so right here feel so incredibly difficult to grasp? That's what self-inquiry should feel like... until there is a perspective shift.