You ‘forget’ your spiritual practice because part of you doesn’t want to do it

Those who seek Self realization must pursue surrender or self-inquiry at every waking moment. In this effort, many seekers complain that they become forgetful and that their attention wanders. They want to know how to increase their concentration. It's not a matter of increasing concentration.

Forgetfulness happens because of an attachment -- there is an outcome the seeker values or fears, and feels they must focus on to get or avoid. That is what distracts them from surrender or self-inquiry, and it can manifest as forgetfulness. The attention wanders because it *wants* to wander, because there is something that it feels that surrender or self-inquiry will distract it from... and this is what is going on. There is an internal resistance. Just watching and recognizing these resistances helps loosen them.

Self inquiry deals with resistance to the spiritual search by asking whose resistance it is

Resistance to the spiritual search -- in the form of desires, fears, attachments, and so on -- can be dealt with in different ways. It can be dealt with in "non"-spiritual ways, like therapy. It can be dealt with attitudinal changes, like telling yourself that God will take care of everything. But self-inquiry has a different approach to the issue. It simply asks: whose resistance is this? It doesn't directly try to oppose the content of the resistance, doesn't try to argue against it, but merely asks who it is that is aware OF the resistance. That creates a pause and a space that leads to the recognition that these resistances themselves do not belong to the "I" that seems to suffer from them. And this is true not just for spiritual resistances, but indeed for all suffering -- suffering is only a problem if it's "yours," and that's just what self-inquiry questions.

Surrender is refusing to sip anything but the sweetest water

In surrender we ignore thought and relax. And what this really is is withdrawing attention away from all the changing objects of the inner and outer worlds. This in turn forces the attention into the subtle, indescribable nameless sweetness that is the Self, that is the smooth and featureless medium within which all else appears to happen. The Self is pure sweetness, pure subtlety, pure effortless, and pure watching -- without watching anything in particular. To surrender, therefore, is to refuse to enjoy any but this highest and most refined bliss, this enjoyment so refined it cannot be called enjoyment -- indeed, it cannot be called anything at all.

Attachments: the obstacles to spiritual awakening

What are the obstacles to awakening? Those thoughts that distract the mind from inquiry or surrender. And those thoughts come about because of desires and fears that are based on the belief that we are a doing, experiencing person with memories, families, relationships, etc. In order to deal with these attachments, we might need to take a practical or psychological approach of actually pursuing these desires and fears honestly for a while or dealing with them in therapy. Or, if we are courageous, we might simply use self-inquiry or surrender on the negative emotions that arise when we try to combat these distractions... but this takes a degree of faith.

Self-Realization and a painting by Gustav Klimt

Gustav Klimt's famous painting Portrait of Adele Bloch Bauer serves as a metaphor for Self-Realization. Realization proceeds in stages. At first, the usual distinction between self and other -- between the woman and her environment -- is punctured by the process of intense concentration, showing that underneath what was thought to be a physical or social or mental environment was this beautiful golden 'stuff': call it silence or bliss or consciousness. But then this very bliss is itself realized to be just another color of paint on this painting, just another object. And so in that sense both the 'egoic' and the 'blissful' states are themselves considered to be merely points of view that are themselves formed by something else, something that is beyond the egoic and the non-egoic, something which is not itself a point of view. And in that process even the very stages of realization are themselves recognized to be occurring only from one of these points of view... points of view which are part of the painting, which is not limited or bound by them.

How to deal with resistance to the spiritual search and enlightenment

The spiritual search requires a thorough and consistent turning away from the changing world of thoughts. This happens through consistently maintained surrender or self-inquiry. When that is attempted, there is often going to be resistance. Resistance is simply an inability for whatever reason to keep up the self-inquiry or surrender. It results from the ego's belief that it won't get what it wants or avoid what it fears if it turns away from thought. And of course its pursuit of its desires and fears is also what maintains that very ego. The approach to resistance must be to examine where it happens. Are there patterns and particular situations which provoke it? Next, try to listen to it very carefully and empathetically, trying to express what it is saying. The more you can listen to the feelings associated with that resistance, the better. Next, try to address the concerns of that resistance... perhaps by thinking about facts that shows its fears in a new light -- this can come from speaking with a teacher, reading spiritual materials, or simple reflection. If there are recurring resistances which you cannot understand, turning to psychoanalysis or psychoanalytic therapy can be helpful. Finally, be patient with yourself. You can never outrun what you currently want; you can only be honest with yourself about it. That very honesty will propel you forward.

Trompe l'oeil, the nature of illusion, and enlightenment

Trompe l'oeil refers to a technique in painting that is used to make it seem truly 3D. It's an illusion. The illusion of the I experiencing the world is like that. You might think of it as a series of I-other thoughts, each of which is a painting like that. Self-inquiry and surrender are meant to recognize these illusionary pictures for what they. But the recognition -- or the failure to recognize -- it itself another trompe l'oeil. The illusions are nested, creating an infinite series. One cannot exit them through recognizing them one by one, but, through this series of recognitions, gains the faith that they are ALL illusory, and by that has faith enough to let go into what is continuously beneath all the illusions, what is continuous in their very changes and recognitions.

Surrender and self-inquiry are processes of progressive objectification

What distinguishes surrender and self-inquiry from other techniques which focus on the breath, on a mantra, or on a particular object, is that they are processes of what I call progressive discernment. They are meant to help the seeker recognize what is thought, and, in that recognition, to detach from it. And as you recognize a particular thought, you are caught in another, which you may not even recognize you are caught up in. But through the process of surrender and self-inquiry, you do eventually recognize that that, too -- that strange, vague, feeling, conception, perception, or even silence -- is also a thought. And you recognize and detach from that. Through this process the bounds of thought are eventually and finally recognized and detached from... leaving only the unsayable Self.

Do surrender and self inquiry interfere with activities that involve thinking?

It is a natural complaint of seekers who pursue self-inquiry and surrender at every waking moment, as they should be, that they seem to interfere with activities that seem to require thought. The truth is, however, it is not self-inquiry and surrender that interfere but an unconscious identification with the mind -- with the thinker of thought. The interference, in other words, is an illusion stemming from a wrong belief. The only true solution is further, deeper inquiry and/or surrender.

How do self inquiry and surrender lead to final enlightenment?

How self-inquiry and surrender lead to final enlightenment is a very tricky topic, since it can be considered from three perspectives, all of which are incomplete. The first perspective is the gradualist perspective, which views the egoic illusion as a set of mental habits. Their eventual thinning out is enlightenment. Then there is the insight perspective, which says that knowledge suddenly destroys all ignorance. Finally, there is the absolute perspective, in which there is no ignorance, egoic illusion, or enlightenment. Self-inquiry and surrender can be viewed from any of these perspectives, and these perspectives themselves link together and go beyond themselves. In the end, considering what enlightenment is is itself a portal hole into something beyond thought.